Cause even when I miss you, you're still not missing me

I am still me right at the second hijab covered my head. :)

Saya tinggal di KUALA LUMPAR.

Highlights of the life I'm living.

Hello Me.

I am a morning person.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to MySpace.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car.
I have a cell phone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have had a broken bone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have had the cops called on me. -
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
I have kissed someone of the same gender.
I have mood swings.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex and the City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I hate Miley Cyrus.
I think Party In The USA is catchy.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I can name all the past presidents of the United States.
I know who was president before George Bush.
I love pickles.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.

Now.. Copy this to your blog and do whatever you need to do! :)

We don't get younger year by year because we are certainly not Benjamin Button.

Hi its late night. New day. Im turning to next page. I had like million words to type but now seems like those words flew to nowhere to be remembered.

You see since its middle of night, I tend to get all mellow and sentimental.. ish. I think. Or izzit bcs of this song that I am listening to right at this second? Its Always Attract by You Me At Six. Aside from they are all cute, I can say I am addicted to this song. Mind me. :)

Well theres one thing that been messing with my head. I dont know how but theres a quote stuck in my mind. It goes like this.. "Age doesnt measures maturity but with age, comes responsibility." These nine words came and been running thru my mind just like that. Weird and I dont know how. It just did.

so Im wondering, am I taking and bear my responsibility as who I am now, wisely or vice versa?

Rhythm of my life.

Press the next button to get your answer at your playlist and cheating is just not the way to complete this your life's rhythm. :D

1. If someone says 'are you okay ' you say ?

For love of you by Audrey Assad

2.How would you describe yourself ?

Learning to fall by Forever The Sickest Kid

3.What do you like girls in guy/girls?

Not at my best by Forever The Sickest Kid

4.How do u feel today?

I'm like a lawyer with the way I'm always trying to get you off me (Me&You) by Fall Out Boy

5.What is your life's purpose?

Still got the blues by Gary Moore

6.What's your motto?

Defeatist by Hatebreed

7.What do your friends think of you ?

The most truth by Hatebreed

8.What do your parents think of you ?

Lips of an angel by Hinder

9.What do you think very often?

Love love love by Hope ft. Jason Mraz

10.What is 2+2?

Animal by Neon Trees

11.What do you think of your friend?

I wanted you by Ina

12.What is your life story?

Better together by Jack Johnson

13.To be when your grow up?

Price tag by Jessie J

14.What do you think when you see someone you like?

The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

15.What will you dance at your wedding?

Use somebody by Kings Of Leon

16.What will they play at your funeral?

The truth by Kris Allen

17.What is your hobby/Interest?

Sweet serendipity by Lee Dwayze

18.What is your biggest fear?

Keep it all by Lisa Hannigan

19.What is your biggest secret?

Never gonna leave this bed by Maroon 5

20.What do you want right now?

Where is my mind? by Maxence Cyrin

21.What do you think of your bestfriend?

A thing for me by Metronomy

22.What will you post this for?

Its working by MGMT

23.You will tag this for?

Song for Dan Treacy by MGMT

I can't always be young at age but I can always be young at heart.

I'm 19 years old!

Cekk oii, nampak circle merah tu? Hihihihi the best gift ever! :D :D *Abg botakhawk daripada Neon Trees pung boleh wish kita. Awak tak wish pun? sedih

I makan makanan, how about you? ;)

Hang terliur dak tgk gambaq-gambaq kt atas tu? Cek suka makan, hang suka dak? Cek makan makanan. Hang makan padiaa? Cek rasa makanan dah jatuh cinta dengan cek sejak azali lagi. Cek rasa makanan boleh jadi marka terunggul cek. Tapi jatuh nombor 3 lah. Pasaipa nombor 3 ? Yelah, nombor 1 dengan 2 tu mama abah cek dgn Allah. Haishhh cek bersyukur sangat kat Allah sebab kenalkan cek dengan bopreng terunggul ni. Tak macam dekat Palestin nuu, depa nak jumpa bopreng cek ni punya susah. Cek takpaham pasaipa orang kita dekat sini duk membaziaq makanan sesuka hati depa. Haihshh takpaham cek. So bersyukur lah nohh

I'm asking for these three musketeers :B

1. The Fujifilm Instax gonna cost you RM450 including one box of wide film. Search for Lomo Polaroid at fb.
2. The shoes gonna cost you RM65 you can search for Sakinah Soleh at fb yea hikhik (I wanna yellow or green! :B) oh I wear size 39-41. :D
3. The watch gonna costs you RM25 ONLY. Yes RM25. Search Rebel Pop at fb too. (I want yellor or red or pink yea! :B)

See? I tak minta benda yang expensive. I'm just asking for some affordable presents for my nineteen years celebration. Kau tak rasa bangga ke aku dah hidup selama 19tahun? Hahaha :p Terima kasih! :B

Lets be part of polaroid coolness!

It'll only cost you guys RM200+. Yes only one plus. Hhihihi. And, its epic! You know when I say epic, it means this is a must have thing! Yes MUST HAVE. :D I've included this in my wish list for this year's BIG DAY which will be on another coming week. :D 'Big thank you' guys, just in case, well you know.. hihihihi >:B

The silent sound of loneliness wants to follow me to bed.

Age and time doesn't matter when it is true.

I just finished watching Letters To Juliet. The movie was fantastic. It taught me that true love can be together doesn't matter how old you are, and it can be true when it is true even if it takes forever to be together! Amazing much? Yeah, it literally spoke to me. You see, I am weak at words, I am weak at saying directly about what and howI feel towards anything. Specifically, somebody. Like when I'm in a fight with somebody, I can't say what I wanted to say. All I can do is just mumbling in my head all the words that I wanted to burst but I guess, I'm too scared if I'll hurt people by saying I wanted to say. I know that things might change even if its just a simple word that means pretty much nothing to others. Alright I guess I should just jump into my points.

I know how I've been saying that I am fine bla bla bla.. yes I am but sometimes, I feel like I'm denial you know. Like, do I really meant what I said? I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I dream that he would come back. Cuz doesn't matter who I love now, in the end, he was the only guy who knows me well though sometimes I make him confused. Isn't that what women do to men, right? :p Ever since we spiltted up, I feel like there's no guy ever understand me like he did. He knows when I'm sad, when I don't feel good. I don't know how but I guess..he just did. Thats what I've been searching in a guy long before I met him but I've lost it. So many times that I've never learn any lessons at all. I keep doing and doing what makes him went way for final. He chosed his final act. What can I say more.

The movie was about an old woman finding her true love that she left 50years ago. And she met again the guy that she has been loving for the rest of her life. You know, this may sound childish and crazy, but sometimes I hope that this could happen to me too. You know, he would come back. As the guy in the movie said that they have lost their loved ones, guess that God has destined them to flock together and continued what have they left 50 years ago. I mean, we have been spiltted up for almost a year now and doesn't matter who I love after him, I can't change the fact that he's the one who knows me well, the one who taught me true love. I know this may sound so stupid and you might think 'ahh..sucha puppy love' and stuffs, but what we had was real. Maybe its not to him, but it was to me. Still is. I'm fine now. Yes, I'll be fine now, and forever. But do you really ever understand word 'fine'? I am fine, everybody can say that. But here's one thing, be in my shoes and you'll know how I really feel all this while.

Maybe this is not much, you can say this is nothing. But do you ever stop for awhile and think, that 'nothing' could be 'something' to others? I've been hiding in the world's madness. I've lying to myself. I've been faking what people always wanted to see on my face. I've been in denial waaaaay too long. I've deleted all the pictures, I've throw everything outside the window of my heart, I've burst way too many tears, I've removed all the memories to the other side of myself. But just so you know, doesn't matter what I do to cross him out of my life, I've never stop hoping that he would come back one day and say to my face that the separation was a the biggest mistake that we've did. And just so you know, I've never give up on him. Never was. Yet, as I've told one of my friend, I've to suck up my feelings for the sake of his happiness. :')

May Allah find me one great replacement of the true love. Amin

Turning 19, how will it be?

As I'll be turning nineteen this year, let me share with you guys nineteen of my wishes. Cuz sharing can be fascinating! :D

1. I would like to climb Broga Hills. Anyone?
2. I want t get a Dean's List this semester. InsyaAllah
3. Wanna make my parents proud of me in anything.
4. I wish I am Batman's girlfriend. Who can be my awesome, effin tall Batman?! :D
5. I want to re-paint my current bedroom.
6. A big, wedding cake with Tyler from Neon Trees face on it for my birthday would be nice. Yaaammaaayyhhh!
7. I'll be more curvy without big tummy,tights and arms by the end of this year. K this sounds more like a new year resolution, didn't it? Whatevs, lets proceed..
8. I would like to own a BLACKBERRY. Can I? Anyone? :p
9. I want to have a license before I turn 20. Like seriously but I'm scared :/
10. I want to visit a shelter home. Nice
11. A guy would ask me to marry him before I turn 25. Hahaha :D
12. I wish to own my own car. A red MUSTANG :)
13. I want to be able to draw face of my soul love. One day
14. I want my 'gedik' side of myself to influence my other side of myself to love anything that is touch screen since I am no big fan of them now. Eh not love but like. Baby steps, guys :)
15. I would to donate some of my clothes.
16. Repair my sleep timing.
17. Have less of sugar in my daily routines. Sugar give me rush
18. Spend more time with my books. This one, I need time hhahaa
19. And lastlyyyyyyyy, I want to keep be WEIRD! So can you handle me? :p

Just so you know, these wished may be changed according to my moods. >:D

Me and love.

Another survey that I took from Nisha's blog. :)

My shortest relationship was a month.
I've had a few short-term boyfriends.
I've been given flowers.
I've been given chocolate.
I've been given shoes/clothes.
I've been given jewelry.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've been kissed under the stars.
I've been kissed on a roller coaster.
I've been kissed in a pool.
I've been kissed underwater.
I've been kissed while I was driving.
I've been kissed while I was asleep.
I've been kissed in a bus.
I've been kissed while laying in the grass.
I've been on a date.
I've been on a group date.
I've taken a nap with a guy.
I've made out in a closet.
I've made out with just a friend.
I've made out with a member of the same sex.
I've played some sort of kissing game.
I've been asked out in person.
I've been asked out online.
I've been asked out over the phone.
I've been asked out on Valentine's Day.
A guy has cooked for me.
A guy has written me a poem.
A guy has sang for me.
A guy has played guitar for me.
I've cuddled with a guy whom I wasn't dating.
I've been kissed on the neck.
I've been kissed on the stomach.
I've been kissed on the nose.
I've been kissed on the top of the head.
I've been kissed on the hand.
I've been kissed on the feet.
I've received a hickey.
I've given a hickey.
I've been in love.
I've been in lust.
I've confessed to a crush.
A crush has confessed to me.
I've been in a love triangle.
I've been on a date to the movies.
I've been on a date to a restaurant.
I've been on a date to an arcade.
I've had a crush on a member of the same sex before and I'm straight.
I've been felt up in public.
I've been cheated on.
A friend has dated my ex.
I've dated a friend's ex.
I'm still friends with an ex.
A guy has talked dirty to me before.
I have a boyfriend right now.
I celebrate anniversaries.
I've never been given a promise ring.
A guy has promised me forever.
If I have a boyfriend, I give him nicknames.
I've fallen for my best friend.
A guy has given me a foot massage.
A guy has rubbed my shoulders.
I like holding hands in public.
A guy has tried to take me away from my boyfriend.
A guy has fed me. Literally.
I've cooked/baked for a guy.
I've stayed up late talking to a guy I had feelings for.
I've led a guy on.
I've knowingly teased a guy.
I've been in the same class as a boyfriend.
I've never been in a long distance relationship.

Face Mask.

For the past few weeks, one of my friends, Farra Khairuddin has been obsessed with face masks. Like she wear it so often till this one day she told me that she almost buy 5 face masks in one time. Can you see how obsessed she is with them?! Hahahaa

So I made some research about face masks. I thought of how can we save money and wear face mask as often as you like. So I googled for homemade face masks recipes. Below are my choices.

Honey Mask Recipe

Honey is rich and thick, making it an effective moisturizer. Like other humectants, honey binds moisture to the skin and helps it stay hydrated. So it not only smoothes dry, rough, wrinkled skin, but honey also makes skin supple and plumps up wrinkles. Honey is a valuable moisturizer for your face as well as your body. Other than that, honey contains powerful antioxidants which fight free radicals and reverse aging. Free radicals are everywhere - in the air we breathe, the food we eat, and even the sunlight we love so much. Every moment, the body absorbs oxygen and turns it into energy in a process called oxidation. This process also releases free radicals. Antioxidants slow down aging by neutralizing these free radicals. They perform healing at the deepest cellular level, allowing the benefits to manifest in different ways.

So to make the face mask, first you have to place a cloth in warm water and apply to your face to open the pores. Smear on honey, and leave on for 15 to 30 minutes. Rinse off with warm water, then use cold water to close the pores. Use once a week.

Another way of using honey, instead of just smear the honey onto your face, you can add 1 teaspoon of glycerin and about 1/4 cup of flour to make it firm. Its an optional

Banana Face Mask

To make it, you will need:

1/2 mashed banana

1/4 cup oatmeal, cooked with milk

1 egg

1/2 tablespoon honey

Lets start making it! First, you have to mix all the ingredients together. Massage onto face in a slow, circular motion and leave for 15 minutes. Rinse with tepid water. Oatmeal is high in nourishing vitamins and minerals; it gently cleanses and heals skin. Bananas contain vitamin A; eggs contain lecithin, a natural skin emollient; and honey helps to maintain the skin’s natural acid mantle.

There are few benefits of banana face mask. Which are:

Moisturizing
Banana face masks moisturize dry skin and leave it softer with hydrating action.

Exfoliation
Banana face masks help exfoliate the skin by removing dead skin cells and leaving you with a fresh new look. Food acid contained in the fruit helps the dead skin come off.

Anti-Acne Action
Banana face masks help hydrate oily skin, thus combating acne and shielding the skin from loss of moisture.

Anti-Aging
Banana face masks provide anti-aging benefits, keeping the skin young and fresh looking.

Sun Burn Aid
Banana face masks will provide relief and aid for sun burnt skin. The flesh of the banana is full of antioxidants which have soothing properties.

So, goodluck in your trial, ladies! :D

A is for Allah. Nothing else

What I've done last year.

I took this survey from Nisha Ezzati's blog. This survey kinda attract me :D

I confess that in 2010 I...

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

SCHOOL
( ) took an honors/advanced class
(x) broke the dress code
( ) sent to the principles office for misbehavior
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
( ) failed a class
(x) skipped school
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
( ) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went to a sleepover
(x) went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2010 I...
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
( ) tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
(x) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach with your best friend
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people

And yet, I still have alot of things to do in life! :)

15 not-so-secrety-secrets.

Why only 15? Because 15 is my favorite figure as it is my date of birth ;D The month? figure it yourself! :D clue: what month will be next month? :p

1. I love watching beautiful girls not because I'm a lesbian, but I hope I can be like them. one day;)
2. I lie sometimes to get myself off the hook. Who doesn't? :B
3. I care about anything too much but I keep telling myself that I don't. Or shouldn't have.
4. I can't stand naked men HATE HATE smokers ;/
5. I don't know how to swim. Teach me sometimes ?
6. I cry to myself before sleep. Almost every nigh
7. I cannot sleep if I don't listen to heavy/metal song before I close my eyes
8. I tend to get bored with everyone easily. or everything
9. I scream alot.
10. I love cooking but somehow no good at it. Idk why though ;/
11. I fantasize of married life alot. like ALOT ;p
12. I sleep @4a.m++ and woke up at 2p.m ++ on every weekend/hols
13. I can't stand critism. too much of it weaken me
14. I don't have any gays/lesbians friends. I wish I have. even one
15. Finally, I can say I AM WEIRD. Get use to it, people! :D

My heart keep pounding when I heard the news.

Just heard the news that an earthquake hit Japan. And they said the earthquake might be hitting 19 countries including Indonesia and Philippines. Lets just hope Malaysia will not face the same. Ya Allah, words can't describe how I feel right now. I am so freaking scared. I'm scared to death! I can't go online because everybody keep talking about this tragedy and I'm like Ya Allah, please be with us throughout this situation. Our prayers is with you. Always!

Lately I've been feeling something wrong might be happen. Like death. I just can't believe this is happening. Ya Allah, please protect everyone in this world. Hopefully, after what happen today, people will open their eyes and be grateful of what they have, if they still alive. Amin

There she goes again

Hahahahahaloo everybodaaaayh! ;)

Wow its been awhile since I last wrote something in here, didnt I? So hows life been treating you guys? Am pretty sure you guys been great right?! Alright I don't know why I sound so excited but why not though? Hehehe okay moving on, my life for the past months has been much upside down. Been having swinging moods for like months now. Hormones. I guess. Hihihi;) But I am aaaaallll fine! No worries

So today is like my third day of mid sem break. Yesterday my classmates(girls onlayh!) and I went to a water park. Yeah of course we had so much fun! Girls rock baybayhhh ;D The water park has wave shock that will come out every one or two hour I guess. We didn't really enjoy the first wave shock so we decided to play the crazy slides they have but then we decided to go for the second wave shock but we had to wait for like 3omins so WE WAITED IN THE POOL FOR 30MINS. Hahaha because of it, my skin is burning like damn its burning! T_T Heh. But long story short story, we had much fun! ;D

What else? Oh Mike is not around anymore. So sad but its for his future afterall. I'm just the bestfriend of course I have no rights to tell him to stay here. But I'm moving on with life so been keeping my days busy lately. Hihi ;)

So I guess, thats all. I don't really know what to tell you guy. Heh so take care! :) xx

I am who I am.

Reckless. Most word for now. Happy hols toodlers! :)

Permulaan yang mengembalikan kenangan lama.

Kolej dah mula. Hostel tak berapa nak seronok dah. Kelas kk jea. Everything seems fine. But deep down inside *tunjuk hati* I don't feel fine. Not at all. Setiap malam berada di hostel, mengundang kenangan lama kembali terjah dalam kepala otak yang tak berapa besar ni. Ntah kenapa, semuanya datang balik. Bila dekat rumah, dah totally forgot everything. Ok tipu. Taklah semua tapi hm ok lah. Takda sedih sangat dah. Sebab dah boleh terima. Itu kata mulut. Kata hati pulak, pabila dah pulang semula ke hostel untuk sem dua ni, kenangan semasa sem satu terjah menusuk kalbu. It hurts. Sebab ingatkan dah boleh terima 100%. Kena paksa jugak diri terima semuanya 100% sebab taknak hilang dia as a friend pulak. Tapi, sejak malam pertama jejak kaki ke hostel semula, hati terasa luluh. Kebanyakkan kenangan berlaku ketika berada di hostel. Pagi petang siang malam. Semuanya berlaku di hostel. Dekat kolej punya kenangan lagi toksah cerita banyak dia. T_T Walaupun dah berpindah ke rumah lain, tapi kenangan tu tetap ketuk pintu hati ni. Walaupun tak lagi duduk di rumah lama, tetap duduk di hostel yang sama. Bukannya pi pindah hostel laki yang ada swimming pool nun. *Jeles*

Macam mana nak terima semuanya 100% ? Semua orang tengok budak ni gelak, tapi dalam hati semua orang taktau macam mana. Saja dok gelak nak bagi orang confuse, eh budak ni ok kea tak dok asyik gelak jea macam orang tak betul. WOI! Belah dada aku baru kau tau macam mana aku rasa rindu dia. :'"]

Sekarang tak ada boyfriend pun tak kisah kalau

ada ni. :D So, anyone ? For my B day, perhaps ? :D :D