The silent sound of loneliness wants to follow me to bed.

Age and time doesn't matter when it is true.

I just finished watching Letters To Juliet. The movie was fantastic. It taught me that true love can be together doesn't matter how old you are, and it can be true when it is true even if it takes forever to be together! Amazing much? Yeah, it literally spoke to me. You see, I am weak at words, I am weak at saying directly about what and howI feel towards anything. Specifically, somebody. Like when I'm in a fight with somebody, I can't say what I wanted to say. All I can do is just mumbling in my head all the words that I wanted to burst but I guess, I'm too scared if I'll hurt people by saying I wanted to say. I know that things might change even if its just a simple word that means pretty much nothing to others. Alright I guess I should just jump into my points.

I know how I've been saying that I am fine bla bla bla.. yes I am but sometimes, I feel like I'm denial you know. Like, do I really meant what I said? I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I dream that he would come back. Cuz doesn't matter who I love now, in the end, he was the only guy who knows me well though sometimes I make him confused. Isn't that what women do to men, right? :p Ever since we spiltted up, I feel like there's no guy ever understand me like he did. He knows when I'm sad, when I don't feel good. I don't know how but I guess..he just did. Thats what I've been searching in a guy long before I met him but I've lost it. So many times that I've never learn any lessons at all. I keep doing and doing what makes him went way for final. He chosed his final act. What can I say more.

The movie was about an old woman finding her true love that she left 50years ago. And she met again the guy that she has been loving for the rest of her life. You know, this may sound childish and crazy, but sometimes I hope that this could happen to me too. You know, he would come back. As the guy in the movie said that they have lost their loved ones, guess that God has destined them to flock together and continued what have they left 50 years ago. I mean, we have been spiltted up for almost a year now and doesn't matter who I love after him, I can't change the fact that he's the one who knows me well, the one who taught me true love. I know this may sound so stupid and you might think 'ahh..sucha puppy love' and stuffs, but what we had was real. Maybe its not to him, but it was to me. Still is. I'm fine now. Yes, I'll be fine now, and forever. But do you really ever understand word 'fine'? I am fine, everybody can say that. But here's one thing, be in my shoes and you'll know how I really feel all this while.

Maybe this is not much, you can say this is nothing. But do you ever stop for awhile and think, that 'nothing' could be 'something' to others? I've been hiding in the world's madness. I've lying to myself. I've been faking what people always wanted to see on my face. I've been in denial waaaaay too long. I've deleted all the pictures, I've throw everything outside the window of my heart, I've burst way too many tears, I've removed all the memories to the other side of myself. But just so you know, doesn't matter what I do to cross him out of my life, I've never stop hoping that he would come back one day and say to my face that the separation was a the biggest mistake that we've did. And just so you know, I've never give up on him. Never was. Yet, as I've told one of my friend, I've to suck up my feelings for the sake of his happiness. :')

May Allah find me one great replacement of the true love. Amin

Turning 19, how will it be?

As I'll be turning nineteen this year, let me share with you guys nineteen of my wishes. Cuz sharing can be fascinating! :D

1. I would like to climb Broga Hills. Anyone?
2. I want t get a Dean's List this semester. InsyaAllah
3. Wanna make my parents proud of me in anything.
4. I wish I am Batman's girlfriend. Who can be my awesome, effin tall Batman?! :D
5. I want to re-paint my current bedroom.
6. A big, wedding cake with Tyler from Neon Trees face on it for my birthday would be nice. Yaaammaaayyhhh!
7. I'll be more curvy without big tummy,tights and arms by the end of this year. K this sounds more like a new year resolution, didn't it? Whatevs, lets proceed..
8. I would like to own a BLACKBERRY. Can I? Anyone? :p
9. I want to have a license before I turn 20. Like seriously but I'm scared :/
10. I want to visit a shelter home. Nice
11. A guy would ask me to marry him before I turn 25. Hahaha :D
12. I wish to own my own car. A red MUSTANG :)
13. I want to be able to draw face of my soul love. One day
14. I want my 'gedik' side of myself to influence my other side of myself to love anything that is touch screen since I am no big fan of them now. Eh not love but like. Baby steps, guys :)
15. I would to donate some of my clothes.
16. Repair my sleep timing.
17. Have less of sugar in my daily routines. Sugar give me rush
18. Spend more time with my books. This one, I need time hhahaa
19. And lastlyyyyyyyy, I want to keep be WEIRD! So can you handle me? :p

Just so you know, these wished may be changed according to my moods. >:D

Me and love.

Another survey that I took from Nisha's blog. :)

My shortest relationship was a month.
I've had a few short-term boyfriends.
I've been given flowers.
I've been given chocolate.
I've been given shoes/clothes.
I've been given jewelry.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've been kissed under the stars.
I've been kissed on a roller coaster.
I've been kissed in a pool.
I've been kissed underwater.
I've been kissed while I was driving.
I've been kissed while I was asleep.
I've been kissed in a bus.
I've been kissed while laying in the grass.
I've been on a date.
I've been on a group date.
I've taken a nap with a guy.
I've made out in a closet.
I've made out with just a friend.
I've made out with a member of the same sex.
I've played some sort of kissing game.
I've been asked out in person.
I've been asked out online.
I've been asked out over the phone.
I've been asked out on Valentine's Day.
A guy has cooked for me.
A guy has written me a poem.
A guy has sang for me.
A guy has played guitar for me.
I've cuddled with a guy whom I wasn't dating.
I've been kissed on the neck.
I've been kissed on the stomach.
I've been kissed on the nose.
I've been kissed on the top of the head.
I've been kissed on the hand.
I've been kissed on the feet.
I've received a hickey.
I've given a hickey.
I've been in love.
I've been in lust.
I've confessed to a crush.
A crush has confessed to me.
I've been in a love triangle.
I've been on a date to the movies.
I've been on a date to a restaurant.
I've been on a date to an arcade.
I've had a crush on a member of the same sex before and I'm straight.
I've been felt up in public.
I've been cheated on.
A friend has dated my ex.
I've dated a friend's ex.
I'm still friends with an ex.
A guy has talked dirty to me before.
I have a boyfriend right now.
I celebrate anniversaries.
I've never been given a promise ring.
A guy has promised me forever.
If I have a boyfriend, I give him nicknames.
I've fallen for my best friend.
A guy has given me a foot massage.
A guy has rubbed my shoulders.
I like holding hands in public.
A guy has tried to take me away from my boyfriend.
A guy has fed me. Literally.
I've cooked/baked for a guy.
I've stayed up late talking to a guy I had feelings for.
I've led a guy on.
I've knowingly teased a guy.
I've been in the same class as a boyfriend.
I've never been in a long distance relationship.

Face Mask.

For the past few weeks, one of my friends, Farra Khairuddin has been obsessed with face masks. Like she wear it so often till this one day she told me that she almost buy 5 face masks in one time. Can you see how obsessed she is with them?! Hahahaa

So I made some research about face masks. I thought of how can we save money and wear face mask as often as you like. So I googled for homemade face masks recipes. Below are my choices.

Honey Mask Recipe

Honey is rich and thick, making it an effective moisturizer. Like other humectants, honey binds moisture to the skin and helps it stay hydrated. So it not only smoothes dry, rough, wrinkled skin, but honey also makes skin supple and plumps up wrinkles. Honey is a valuable moisturizer for your face as well as your body. Other than that, honey contains powerful antioxidants which fight free radicals and reverse aging. Free radicals are everywhere - in the air we breathe, the food we eat, and even the sunlight we love so much. Every moment, the body absorbs oxygen and turns it into energy in a process called oxidation. This process also releases free radicals. Antioxidants slow down aging by neutralizing these free radicals. They perform healing at the deepest cellular level, allowing the benefits to manifest in different ways.

So to make the face mask, first you have to place a cloth in warm water and apply to your face to open the pores. Smear on honey, and leave on for 15 to 30 minutes. Rinse off with warm water, then use cold water to close the pores. Use once a week.

Another way of using honey, instead of just smear the honey onto your face, you can add 1 teaspoon of glycerin and about 1/4 cup of flour to make it firm. Its an optional

Banana Face Mask

To make it, you will need:

1/2 mashed banana

1/4 cup oatmeal, cooked with milk

1 egg

1/2 tablespoon honey

Lets start making it! First, you have to mix all the ingredients together. Massage onto face in a slow, circular motion and leave for 15 minutes. Rinse with tepid water. Oatmeal is high in nourishing vitamins and minerals; it gently cleanses and heals skin. Bananas contain vitamin A; eggs contain lecithin, a natural skin emollient; and honey helps to maintain the skin’s natural acid mantle.

There are few benefits of banana face mask. Which are:

Moisturizing
Banana face masks moisturize dry skin and leave it softer with hydrating action.

Exfoliation
Banana face masks help exfoliate the skin by removing dead skin cells and leaving you with a fresh new look. Food acid contained in the fruit helps the dead skin come off.

Anti-Acne Action
Banana face masks help hydrate oily skin, thus combating acne and shielding the skin from loss of moisture.

Anti-Aging
Banana face masks provide anti-aging benefits, keeping the skin young and fresh looking.

Sun Burn Aid
Banana face masks will provide relief and aid for sun burnt skin. The flesh of the banana is full of antioxidants which have soothing properties.

So, goodluck in your trial, ladies! :D

A is for Allah. Nothing else

What I've done last year.

I took this survey from Nisha Ezzati's blog. This survey kinda attract me :D

I confess that in 2010 I...

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

SCHOOL
( ) took an honors/advanced class
(x) broke the dress code
( ) sent to the principles office for misbehavior
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
( ) failed a class
(x) skipped school
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
( ) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
( ) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went to a sleepover
(x) went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2010 I...
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
( ) tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
(x) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach with your best friend
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people

And yet, I still have alot of things to do in life! :)

15 not-so-secrety-secrets.

Why only 15? Because 15 is my favorite figure as it is my date of birth ;D The month? figure it yourself! :D clue: what month will be next month? :p

1. I love watching beautiful girls not because I'm a lesbian, but I hope I can be like them. one day;)
2. I lie sometimes to get myself off the hook. Who doesn't? :B
3. I care about anything too much but I keep telling myself that I don't. Or shouldn't have.
4. I can't stand naked men HATE HATE smokers ;/
5. I don't know how to swim. Teach me sometimes ?
6. I cry to myself before sleep. Almost every nigh
7. I cannot sleep if I don't listen to heavy/metal song before I close my eyes
8. I tend to get bored with everyone easily. or everything
9. I scream alot.
10. I love cooking but somehow no good at it. Idk why though ;/
11. I fantasize of married life alot. like ALOT ;p
12. I sleep @4a.m++ and woke up at 2p.m ++ on every weekend/hols
13. I can't stand critism. too much of it weaken me
14. I don't have any gays/lesbians friends. I wish I have. even one
15. Finally, I can say I AM WEIRD. Get use to it, people! :D

My heart keep pounding when I heard the news.

Just heard the news that an earthquake hit Japan. And they said the earthquake might be hitting 19 countries including Indonesia and Philippines. Lets just hope Malaysia will not face the same. Ya Allah, words can't describe how I feel right now. I am so freaking scared. I'm scared to death! I can't go online because everybody keep talking about this tragedy and I'm like Ya Allah, please be with us throughout this situation. Our prayers is with you. Always!

Lately I've been feeling something wrong might be happen. Like death. I just can't believe this is happening. Ya Allah, please protect everyone in this world. Hopefully, after what happen today, people will open their eyes and be grateful of what they have, if they still alive. Amin

There she goes again

Hahahahahaloo everybodaaaayh! ;)

Wow its been awhile since I last wrote something in here, didnt I? So hows life been treating you guys? Am pretty sure you guys been great right?! Alright I don't know why I sound so excited but why not though? Hehehe okay moving on, my life for the past months has been much upside down. Been having swinging moods for like months now. Hormones. I guess. Hihihi;) But I am aaaaallll fine! No worries

So today is like my third day of mid sem break. Yesterday my classmates(girls onlayh!) and I went to a water park. Yeah of course we had so much fun! Girls rock baybayhhh ;D The water park has wave shock that will come out every one or two hour I guess. We didn't really enjoy the first wave shock so we decided to play the crazy slides they have but then we decided to go for the second wave shock but we had to wait for like 3omins so WE WAITED IN THE POOL FOR 30MINS. Hahaha because of it, my skin is burning like damn its burning! T_T Heh. But long story short story, we had much fun! ;D

What else? Oh Mike is not around anymore. So sad but its for his future afterall. I'm just the bestfriend of course I have no rights to tell him to stay here. But I'm moving on with life so been keeping my days busy lately. Hihi ;)

So I guess, thats all. I don't really know what to tell you guy. Heh so take care! :) xx