I know how I've been saying that I am fine bla bla bla.. yes I am but sometimes, I feel like I'm denial you know. Like, do I really meant what I said? I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I dream that he would come back. Cuz doesn't matter who I love now, in the end, he was the only guy who knows me well though sometimes I make him confused. Isn't that what women do to men, right? :p Ever since we spiltted up, I feel like there's no guy ever understand me like he did. He knows when I'm sad, when I don't feel good. I don't know how but I guess..he just did. Thats what I've been searching in a guy long before I met him but I've lost it. So many times that I've never learn any lessons at all. I keep doing and doing what makes him went way for final. He chosed his final act. What can I say more.
The movie was about an old woman finding her true love that she left 50years ago. And she met again the guy that she has been loving for the rest of her life. You know, this may sound childish and crazy, but sometimes I hope that this could happen to me too. You know, he would come back. As the guy in the movie said that they have lost their loved ones, guess that God has destined them to flock together and continued what have they left 50 years ago. I mean, we have been spiltted up for almost a year now and doesn't matter who I love after him, I can't change the fact that he's the one who knows me well, the one who taught me true love. I know this may sound so stupid and you might think 'ahh..sucha puppy love' and stuffs, but what we had was real. Maybe its not to him, but it was to me. Still is. I'm fine now. Yes, I'll be fine now, and forever. But do you really ever understand word 'fine'? I am fine, everybody can say that. But here's one thing, be in my shoes and you'll know how I really feel all this while.
Maybe this is not much, you can say this is nothing. But do you ever stop for awhile and think, that 'nothing' could be 'something' to others? I've been hiding in the world's madness. I've lying to myself. I've been faking what people always wanted to see on my face. I've been in denial waaaaay too long. I've deleted all the pictures, I've throw everything outside the window of my heart, I've burst way too many tears, I've removed all the memories to the other side of myself. But just so you know, doesn't matter what I do to cross him out of my life, I've never stop hoping that he would come back one day and say to my face that the separation was a the biggest mistake that we've did. And just so you know, I've never give up on him. Never was. Yet, as I've told one of my friend, I've to suck up my feelings for the sake of his happiness. :')
May Allah find me one great replacement of the true love. Amin